Every couple goes through seasons of closeness and distance. Sometimes the drift happens slowly — long work hours, kids, stress, and routine begin to take up all the space that used to be filled with laughter, affection, and curiosity. Other times, distance follows conflict or hurt that hasn’t been repaired.

If you’ve been thinking about couples therapy but aren’t sure what to expect, you’re not alone. Many couples delay reaching out because they’re worried therapy will be uncomfortable, one-sided, or full of blame.

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “We’ve had this exact same fight a hundred times”? Maybe it’s about chores, money, sex, or how much time you spend together. No matter how the argument starts, it always seems to end in the same frustration, silence, or distance.

Even the healthiest relationships hit communication roadblocks. You love each other, but lately it feels like every conversation turns into an argument, or worse, awkward silence.

If you’re wondering why you and your partner keep having the same fights or can’t seem to get through to each other, you’re not alone. As a couples therapist, I see this every day, and it’s not because you’re incompatible. It’s because most couples were never taught how to communicate effectively.

Every couple argues. It’s part of being human and it’s part of being in a relationship. But when disagreements start to spiral into yelling, shutting down, or saying things you regret, that’s a sign something deeper is going on.

As a couples therapist, one of the most transformative shifts I witness in my work is when individuals stop asking, “How can I get them to change?” and start wondering, “What is this moment asking me to learn about myself?”

This isn’t about self-blame. It’s about self-awareness—and from that, self-growth.

I can’t tell you how often I hear couples say something like:
“If we really loved each other, we wouldn’t fight like this.”
“Why is this so hard for us?”
“It seems like other couples have it figured out. What’s wrong with us?”

If you’ve ever had thoughts like these, I want you to know: you’re not alone, and you’re not failing.

When people think about couples therapy, they often imagine a referee: someone keeping the peace, tracking who’s right or wrong, and helping each person get their point across.

And while yes, I’m here to support communication and help you both feel heard, the heart of couples therapy goes much deeper. It’s not just about learning to talk better; it’s about learning to see yourselves and each other more clearly.

I talk to a lot of people who are deeply invested in their relationship but feel stuck because their partner doesn’t want to participate in therapy.

They often ask:
“Should I still come in on my own?”
“Is there even a point if we’re not both doing the work?”
“Will this actually make a difference?”

My honest answer? Yes. One person can start the process—and it absolutely matters.

One of the most common things I hear in couples therapy is:
“We keep having the same fight over and over — even when the topic changes.”

That’s not a coincidence.

When most people think about improving their relationship, they tend to focus on things like communication skills, conflict resolution, or understanding their partner better. And while all of that is important, there’s one tool that often gets overlooked, and it might be the most powerful of all.

One of the most powerful (and sometimes surprising) parts of couples therapy is when someone realizes: “Wait! I’ve been reacting to something inside me, not just to what my partner is doing.”

If you’ve been thinking about couples therapy but feel unsure, hesitant, or even a little scared—I get it. Reaching out for help can feel vulnerable, especially when it comes to your relationship.

One of the most transformative things I’ve seen happen in couples therapy is when someone realizes that the work isn’t just about managing or changing their partner. it’s about turning inward with curiosity and compassion.

If you’re considering couples therapy or relationship counseling, you might be wondering: What actually happens in the first session? It's completely normal to feel a little nervous or uncertain, especially if it’s your first time in therapy, or if emotions are running high in your relationship.

Hi! I'm Erika. Welcome! Whether you're an individual exploring your relationship patterns or a couple looking for support, I’m here to help you move toward deeper connection, clarity, and growth.