What to Expect in Your First Couples Therapy Session

Aug 11

If you’re considering couples therapy or relationship counseling, you might be wondering: What actually happens in the first session? It's completely normal to feel a little nervous or uncertain, especially if it’s your first time in therapy, or if emotions are running high in your relationship.

I want to walk you through what a typical first session looks like so you can feel more grounded, prepared, and confident about taking this important step.

First Things First: You're Not Here to Be Judged

I always start by saying this: therapy is a judgment-free space. My role isn’t to take sides or assign blame. I’m here to help both of you feel heard, understood, and supported. I aim to create a space where you can show up as you are, even if that means feeling uncertain, angry, distant, or scared.

A Space to Slow Down and Feel Safe

The first session is really about getting to know you, both as individuals and as a couple. I’ll ask questions to better understand:

What brings you to therapy right now
A brief history of your relationship
What patterns or challenges you're experiencing
What you each hope to gain from therapy

There are no right or wrong answers. Just come as you are. Some couples come in mid-crisis, while others are simply feeling stuck, disconnected, or unsure of how to move forward. It’s all valid.

What You Can Expect Me to Do

In our first session, I’ll mostly be listening with curiosity and care. I may reflect back what I’m hearing, ask clarifying questions, or offer some insight into the dynamics I notice. The goal is to begin forming a shared understanding of what’s happening between you, and what might help shift things.

Depending on your comfort level, we may also start talking about what your goals are for therapy. Some examples include:

Learning to communicate without shutting down or escalating
Rebuilding trust after a rupture or betrayal
Feeling more emotionally connected
Gaining clarity about the future of your relationship

Every couple is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.

Logistics & Next Steps

If we haven’t already gone over them before the session, I’ll take a few minutes to review practical things like:

Confidentiality and boundaries
Scheduling and frequency
Payment questions

You Don’t Need to Know Exactly What to Say

This is a big one. You don’t need to show up with a perfectly prepared story or a clear plan. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know where to start,” or “We’ve never done this before.” That’s part of the process. We will figure it out together.

After the First Session

Many couples tell me they feel a mix of emotions after the first session—relief, hope, vulnerability, sometimes even overwhelm. That’s all completely normal. You're taking a brave first step toward change, and that alone is something to honor.

In future sessions, we’ll go deeper into the specific patterns in your relationship, build insight, and practice new tools to help you communicate more clearly and connect more deeply.